20 ways to annoy the Fellowship
by Saymorian
Summary: Exactly what the title says, complete with a scene of each way being carried out, R&R please
1. Chapter 1

_**Okay so these are just some ideas I had, I've got more but they'll come later, anyway I came up with these myself so I'm not sure if they're that good, though my friend said they were funny so I guess they're okay. **_

**_Lord of The Rings and everything Middle-Earth belongs to the genius named J.R.R. Tolkien, who is probably not happy with me for these but they're just harmless fun Mr Tolkien sir. I am not he so I own nothing, except the books and DVDs._**

**_If I get something wrong from the book please excuse me but I've only read them twice, I think they're mainly film based anyway..._**

**_Another thing, Merry and Pippin do nearly all of them because I think they probably would..._**

_0o0o_

_**10 Ways to annoy the Fellowship. Which I am must do under no circumstances what-so ever:**_

**1. Do not get Merry and Pippin hooked on Coffee/Caffeine so they stay up all night.**

'Hey Pippin, what's that you're drinking?' asked his fellow hobbit and best friend; Meriadoc.

The Took shrugged 'Coffee,'

'Where'd you get it?'

Pippin drunk some more from his cup before answering 'authoress, want some?'

'Yeah,' said Merry, holding up his cup and allowing Pippin to pour him some.

The two hobbits had just finished their coffee when Gandalf called the Fellowship together and they set off again. Merry and Pippin, who were high on Caffeine, went along at a fast pace, singing songs they knew from the Shire and talking nonstop. The rest of their companions – well most of them anyway, Frodo was thinking of the task a-head of him – noticed this but refrained from commenting.

When night fell on Middle-Earth the company halted for the night Merry and Pippin still seemed rather active, chattering away non-stop, as they do.

'So I said to –'

The rest of the Fellowship – bar Legolas who had taken the first watch – settled for sleep however they were interrupted by the rather loud singing of two hobbits.

'_Home is behind, the world a-head...' _

'Merry, Pippin go to sleep,' said Aragorn firmly

'Ah but we're not tired,' protested the Brandybuck, sipping something from a cup.

A few hours later the rest of the Fellowship were ready to murder the two hobbits. Luckily however, the two were coming to the end of their coffee supply. Unfortunately they were now arguing over it and managed to send it flying everywhere.

'That was your fault you fool of a Took!'

'You liar that was completely down to you, you stupid –'

The two were interrupted by a very irate wizard 'PEREGRIN TOOK! MERIADOC BRANDYBUCK! WILL YOU BE QUIET!' Gandalf yelled, silencing the two hobbits immediately

'Yes Gandalf,' they said meekly

They were silent for the rest of the night, despite not being able to sleep due to the extensive amount of Caffeine they had had.

_0o0o_

**2. I will not follow Legolas around singing 'Barbie Girl' non-stop**

Legolas was walking near the back of the group, with only a few behind him, being Boromir and two hobbits, Merry and Pippin unfortunately for him. Their company was silent until Pippin's voice was heard right behind Legolas.

'_I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world!'_

Then Merry joined in _'Life in plastic, it's fantastic!'_

They continued on together getting higher and higher in volume until the blonde elf spun around to face the young hobbits.

'What on Middle-Earth are you singing? And why?'

They looked up at him innocently 'Barbie Girl,'

'Right...' said the elf, 'but why?'

They grinned at him 'Because you're BARBIE!' they said happily

'Who...?' asked the nonplussed elven prince of Mirkwood

Gandalf's voice was suddenly close 'It's a doll that young girls play with,' with that he conjured up a picture. Legolas was outraged

'I look nothing like that!' he scowled and stormed off and ended up walking next to Aragorn. Little did he know that two hobbits had followed him there, before he could say anything there came voices.

'That means Aragorn, is KEN!' This was accompanied by laughter, a lot of laughter. Aragorn spun and drew Narsil, pointing the blade at them he yelled 'Say that again you die!'

The hobbits' eyes widened.

Satisfied, Aragorn stalked a head leaving Legolas with the hobbits, who began _'I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie world, life in plastic, its fantastic!'_ again.

Legolas' mouth fell open, before he screamed and ran off, followed by a half laughing Merry and Pippin, who carried on '_You can brush my hair...'_

Gandalf and the rest of the Fellowship laughed and Gandalf shook his head slowly 'Hobbits,'

_0o0o_

**3. I must not stare at Boromir for a long while, then scream and back away yelling 'Sauron is possessing him, why can't you see it! Look at the eyes!**

The Fellowship sat in a not very circular circle as they rested. Boromir felt eyes upon him and looked up to find that Legolas was staring at him intensely. Then suddenly the elves' eyes widened dramatically and he began backing away.

'Legolas...?' asked Boromir, confused

The elf yelled 'Sauron possesses him,' he pointed at the man of Gondor 'Why can't you see it,' he screamed at everyone else 'Look at the eyes!' he ran away still screaming.

The rest of the Fellowship watched him then turned back to face each other.

'That's why you never trust an elf,' said Gimli, amused.

_0o0o_

**4. I cannot ask Gandalf if Dumbledore is his long lost brother.**

Pippin and Gandalf were riding to Minas Tirith. Pippin looked up at the now white wizard. 'Gandalf...?' he asked

The wizard said nothing so Pippin spoke his name again, and again, and again about five hundred times, they had reached the white city before he answered. Gandalf got off Shadowfax and spoke. 'Yes Peregrin? You wanted to talk to me?'

'Yeah I did, um,' Pippin hesitated before speaking 'Is Albus Dumbledore your long lost younger brother?'

Gandalf frowned and shoved Pippin off the Lord of all horses.

_0o0o_

**5. No matter how many times I ask, Aragorn will not sing '**_**I just can't wait to be king!' **_

Merry, who was feeling lonely after Pippin had left, skipped up to Aragorn. 'Hullo Merry,' said the heir of Isildur, who was standing with Legolas and Gimli.

'Strider...?' asked the hobbit hesitantly.

'What?'

'Will you sing "_I just can't wait to be king"?' _

Aragorn frowned at the hobbit 'Why would I sing that?'

'Because you're going to be king of Gondor hopefully one day and you're like Simba...'

'No Merry, I will not sing it,' Aragorn was resolute.

The hobbit frowned, 'confound it!' he thought.

The next day dawned swiftly in Rohan and one Meriadoc Brandybuck walked down the halls. He wasn't looking where he was going properly and crashed into someone.

Looking up he saw who it was 'Oh sorry Gimli,'

'That's alright laddie,' said the Dwarf, 'were you looking for someone or something?'

'Yes, I was looking for Strider or the Lord Aragorn I suppose I should now call him...'

'Ah,' Said Gimli 'He was in his room the last time I saw him.'

'Thanks Gimli,' Merry called to the dwarf, who had begun to walk away.

'Lord Aragorn?' Merry asked when he found him

Aragorn said nothing but turned to face the young hobbit

'Will you sing it now?'

Aragorn fixed the hopeful looking hobbit with a glare, but Merry did not quail.

'As I said to you yesterday, no I will not!' seizing the sheathed Narsil Aragorn strode out of the room.

Over the next week every time Merry saw Aragorn, he would ask the same question with the same answer and a few armed chases: Aragorn chasing Merry through Edoras (is that where they go in Rohan?) wielding Narsil.

Merry decided that it was not enough and so began to follow Aragorn around everywhere asking constantly.

'Will you sing it now?'

'No,'

'Now?'

'No!'

'Now?'

'NO!'

It got so much that Aragorn locked Merry in a cupboard in his room just to stop him. Merry of course, was not happy about this.

_0o0o_

**6. I will not scream 'Ahh! Nazgul!' and point wildly in any direction while the Fellowship is trying to sleep, they are cranky when woken in the night...**

The Fellowship was in Moria and Pippin had been given the first watch as a punishment for being, well Pippin. Needless to say, Pippin was bored in half an hour. He thought for something to entertain himself and remembered the black riders, it was impossible for them to be here...

Within minutes a plan strolled fully formed into the young Took's head. He grinned before jumping to his feet and screaming 'Ahh! BLACK RIDERS,' Then he just had to watch.

The whole of the Fellowship were roused at Pippin's cry and all sprung up. Boromir and Aragorn immediately drew their swords; Frodo and Sam did the same, but were slower; Gimli hefted his Axe and Gandalf, lifted his staff and light flooded the chamber containing Balin's Tomb. Merry however, had taken a single look at Pippin and remained where he was, giving his fellow hobbit a thumbs up.

Each other member of the Fellowship was looking around, trying to locate the said black riders. They all sat down in relief upon finding none, but Gandalf turned his attention to the two young hobbits who were trying to contain their laughter.

'Peregrin Took!' thundered the wizard and Pippin grew sober and looked frightened.

The rest of the Fellowship, catching on to what Pippin had done, glared at the youngest hobbit.

With the exception of the other hobbits; it seemed that Merry, Sam, and even Frodo after a moment of silence, found the whole thing terribly funny. Gandalf softened slightly but said 'Fool of a Took! Never leave him alone on a watch ever again!'

The elf, the dwarf and the two men heartily agreed, they needed their sleep and were not happy to have it interrupted...

_0o0o_

**7. I will not borrow Gandalf's staff and try to fly on it; he gets annoyed and says it's not a broom.**

A day out from Rivendell and the Fellowship had stopped for the night. Merry and Aragorn were the only two awake, the rest were sleeping. While Aragorn walked around Merry sat, not all that tired, but kind of bored, and he was thinking, he wondered if Gandalf's staff could fly...

Thinking that he'd test the theory out for himself, he got up quietly and crept toward the sleeping wizard...

A few minutes later he had it. He clambered on to it and pointed the end with his hands. He frowned when it didn't take off; it was magical after all surely it could –

'Oomph,' Merry toppled off the staff and it fell to the ground, the Brandybuck looked up at a very annoyed wizard 'Hey Gandalf,' he said with a smile.

Gandalf did not speak but snatched his staff from the ground glaring at the hobbit 'What on Middle-Earth were you doing?' he hissed

Merry frowned 'Your staff doesn't fly, will it only work for you?'

Gandalf's eyebrows rose, then he frowned, 'My staff is not a broom!'

'Then why does it look like one?' complained Merry 'I think it's awfully misleading of you!'

Gandalf glowered at the hobbit and stalked off.

_0o0o_

**8. I will not take out life insurance on Frodo after weathertop. **

After watching Frodo ride off with an elfin woman after being stabbed by the black rider the rest of the hobbits and Strider followed on foot.

As they walked, or rather ran to evade any riders. Pippin commented to Merry 'Maybe Frodo needs life insurance...'

Merry raised an eyebrow, 'Maybe he does Pip, maybe he does...'

Frodo had just awoken in Rivendell to find Gandalf, which pleased him, when the door opened and in came Sam, Merry and Pippin. Sam said nothing but Merry and Pippin strode over and Merry held some parchment.

'Hullo Frodo,' Said Pippin 'glad to see you're awake,'

'Good to see you two too, but what's that?' he asked, gesturing to the parchment

'Yeah, about that...' Merry handed it to him and backed away, as did Pippin, Gandalf regarded them suspiciously.

Frodo sat up straight in the bed and exclaimed 'Life insurance!'

'Yeah,' said Pippin cheerfully 'Boromir helped us set it up,' the young hobbits grinned and ran from the room.

Frodo was left behind, speechless, as were Gandalf and Samwise.

_0o0o_

**9. I will not say that Bill is Sam's 'My little pony'**

Merry saw how close Sam had become to Bill the pony and one day he had a strange notion about it. He laughed and then told Pippin, who fell over laughing his head off for about ten minutes. The next day they walked up to Sam who was with the pony.

'Hullo Sam,' they each bit their lip to stop their laughter, Pippin laughed, unable to hold it in and Sam looked confused.

'What's so funny?'

'Bill is your "my little pony" is he not?' said Merry also laughing

Sam was very afraid; clearly they were either drunk or had lost their minds.

The young hobbits then started singing _'My little pony—'_

Frodo noticed and murmured to Sam 'What's with them?'

Sam looked at his master 'No idea, they just said Bill was a "my little pony" whatever that is...'

'Ah, I think I can help you with that...' said Frodo, who'd heard of the brand of toys when he had once visited his Brandybuck cousins, the girl ones anyway. With that he began to explain about My Little Ponies.

_0o0o_

**10. Nor will I try to get him to say so.**

'Go on Sam,' Merry pleaded

'Just say it once,' put in Pippin

'Please,' they asked in unison.

It was a week after the notion appeared to them and they had been asking Sam ever since with the same answer each time

'No,' he said again

'Blast,' said Pippin later, 'he'll never say it,'

'Have faith Pip, he might yet.

So they continued to ask for weeks, until they got bored.

Merry was wrong; Sam never said it.

**0o0o**

0o0o

**_Okay, what was that like? Do tell me what you think of these ones, which was your favourite if you liked them?_**

**_Mine was 1 because I think that would be fun..._**

**_Can I ask that if you don't like it please don't flame but just put a small review saying you didn't really like it much, or just don't review at all..._**

**_Thanks for reading whether you liked or not._**

**_S_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Hey look I've got more, again I'm not sure how funny they are but do tell me . _**

**_I do not own the amazing Middle-Earth, I also do not own Oompa Loompas, Munchkins, Barbie or Eastenders._**

0o0o0o0o0

**1. I will not point randomly behind Sam and shout 'Look Sam, an Oliphaunt!' Then realise it is Bill the pony after he turns around.**

Pippin stood next in front of Sam, who standing before Bill the pony. Pippin grinned and then exclaimed loudly 'Look Sam, an Oliphaunt!'

Sam turned immediately and frowned 'Where?' he asked Pippin who came to stand beside him. Pippin hit himself on the forehead with his hand.

'Oh wait! No it isn't, that's just Bill the pony, sorry about that,' clapping a hand on the older hobbits shoulder Pippin walked away, leaving behind Sam who sent murderous glares his way.

_0o0o_

**2. I will not tell Gimli that he is racist against Elves, he has a sharp axe.**

'I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!' exclaimed Gimli the dwarf

It was the council of Elrond and they were trying to decide who was to take the ring to Mordor.

Days later the nine companions set out for Mordor. Merry was walking next to Gimli and remembered his comment at the council.

'Gimli?' he asked

'Yes lad?'

'You know you're really racist against elves...' spoke Merry thoughtfully

Pippin laughed but stopped and ducked his head when he caught sight of Gimli's expression.

Gimli glared at the young hobbit 'I am not!' he exclaimed, his hand on his axe 'Well,' he added 'They started it...'

Legolas shot a look at the Dwarf 'We most certainly did not!' he stalked a-head, muttering to himself in elfish.

'Yes you are,' said Merry 'Don't you remember the council of Elrond "I will be dead before I see the ring in the hands of an elf!"?'

'Yeah I said that,' he admitted 'but elves cannot be trusted,'

'You see that's what I'm talking about!' exclaimed Merry 'You condemned Legolas without even knowing him for all you know he could be really nice,'

'Humph,' said the dwarf

'What?' said Merry 'It's true,'

Gimli son of Gloin said nothing but raised his axe threateningly

_0o0o_

**3. Using Narsil (Aragorn's sword which was the one Isildur used to cut Sauron's finger off) to chop firewood is not allowed.**

Pippin walked back into the camp, 'Got the firewood,' he said dropping it in a pile.

'Thanks Pippin,' said Legolas

Aragorn ran into the camp 'Has anyone seen Narsil?' he asked 'It's gone!'

Pippin held the sword out 'Here you go Strider, I borrowed it,'

Aragorn took the sword back and gave Pippin a searching look 'Why did you take it,'

'Because Gimli refused to let me use his axe and I needed something to chop firewood with,'

Aragorn glared 'Pippin I'm going to kill you!' he yelled

Pippin's eyes widened and he ran from a very angry Aragorn.

_0o0o_

**4. Stealing Pippin's pipe is because 'he smokes too much' will result in a very angry hobbit.**

'Where is it?' asked a distraught Pippin rummaging through his pack desperately 'I can't find it!' with that he began throwing things randomly out of his pack.

Merry dodged a flying piece of_ Lembas _still in its leaf wrapping as he went to see what was wrong.

'Lost something Pip?'

'My pipe,' said Pippin sadly 'it appears to have disappeared,'

'No it hasn't,' said a voice behind them, it was Frodo 'I'm pretty sure I saw Legolas with it earlier...'

'Legolas...?' said Merry puzzled but Pippin had already walked past Frodo

'Thanks,' he called over his shoulder and Frodo helped Merry push everything back into the youngest hobbit's pack.

Pippin meanwhile was looking for Legolas 'Legolas...?'

'Yes young hobbit?' replied the elf

'Did you take my pipe?'

'Yes, I did,' Legolas held it up

'Why?'

Legolas looked at him as if it was obvious 'You smoke too much,'

Pippin glared and attacked the son of Thranduil.

'Ow!' cried the elf.

_0o0o_

**5. Frodo does not have a 'wandering off problem'**

'Look Mr. Frodo, an Oliphaunt!' Sam whispered as he and Frodo stared at the great animals, and the army with them.

Sam turned to look at his master, 'Although Mr. Frodo,' he said, slightly frowning 'you really need to stop wandering off,'

Frodo turned to him and frowned 'What do you mean Sam?'

'Well,' Sam thought through his words carefully before speaking again 'There was just now, and in the dead marshes, and after we got out of Moria,' Sam's face darkened slightly 'it's becoming more common and well, I wonder if you have a problem sir, if you follow me,'

Frodo stared 'I do not have a problem Samwise,' he said and then walked off

Sam just shook his head slowly and followed him.

_0o0o_

**6. Nor is he very paranoid.**

'I can feel his blade,' Frodo gasped

Sam raised an eyebrow, from that distance, really?

'You know Mr. Frodo you are kind of paranoid now I think about it,'

Frodo frowned

'I mean,' Sam continued but got no further

Frodo glared 'Hush Samwise,' he said then walked off

_0o0o_

**7. And he does not need a councillor, suggesting one at any time is not a good idea.**

'Eh, Frodo?' said Samwise as the two hobbits sat in Rivendell, the quest complete but Frodo was not completely healed of his wounds. Sam was worried about him and so was about to give him a suggestion.

'Yes Sam?'

'I was thinking, maybe you should get a councillor, I know one who I think could help you, his name is –'

Frodo stared incredulously and interrupted the gardener 'Do you know how many people have suggested that to me?'

'No, how many have?'

'Well let's see, there was Gimli, Legolas, Faramir, Gandalf, Aragorn, Arwen, Eowyn, Merry, Pippin, Boromir before he died, Elrond, Galadriel, Bilbo, you and even Gollum, which was just hypocritical if you ask me!'

Sam stared.

_0o0o_

**8. Frodo is not going to end up like Gollum at any time, no matter how long he has the One Ring.**

'The ring is mine!' Frodo proclaimed dramatically on mount doom.

Sam stared at his friend, the ring had changed him.

Sam spoke 'You don't want to do that sir!'

Frodo laughed at him and spoke in the same, cruel voice 'Oh, and why is that Samwise?'

Sam gave a look as though it should be obvious 'because then you'll end up like Gollum, duh!'

Frodo laughed at Sam again and went to put the ring on, then stopped, looking troubled 'You think so?'

'Yes, it's already starting,' said Sam

Frodo thought for a minute 'Meh, the ring is mine and you will not take it from me!'

He slipped the ring on and disappeared.

_0o0o_

**9. Hobbits are not distant relatives of either Oompa Loompas or Munchkins and I will not insist they are, even when there are four swords pointing at me.**

Legolas was sitting talking to the four hobbits one night. He thought before posing a question to them.

'So, are hobbits, related to Oompa Loompas? You know, like distant cousins or something perhaps?'

The four hobbits looked at him

'You mean those weird, singing, orange skinned, green haired guys?' asked Frodo indignantly

'Yeah those guys,' said the elf

'No! We share no blood with them! Or the other variety of Oompa Loompas, you know the ones that all look normal, but the same!' said Merry and all four of them glared at the elf.

'Sure,' said Legolas 'What about those other short people, you know the ones who live in Oz...? What were they called, oh yeah; Munchkins!'

The four hobbits sprang up and drew their swords

'You take that back!' said Frodo

'No way!' said Legolas, 'You're all the same height you simply _**must**_be related.'

If looks could kill Legolas would have died a million times over.

After a heated discussion of about five minutes Pippin had had enough 'Oh shut up _**BARBIE!**_' he yelled before storming away, followed by the other three, leaving the elf from Mirkwood open-mouthed and glaring.

The hobbits rounded a corner before they all burst out laughing.

'Pippin that was _**brilliant!**_**' **exclaimed Frodo through laughter

Sam nearly fell to the floor laughing so hard 'D-did you see his face!' he choked out

Merry high fived the youngest hobbit

_0o0o_

**10. After Gandalf says 'Fly you fools' and falls from the bridge of Khazad-Dum (sp?) and after Frodo exclaims 'No!' I will not break into the Eastenders theme tune, it is extremely insensitive. **

'Fly you fools!' said Gandalf before falling

'No!' screamed Frodo.

None of the Fellowship noticed another standing behind them, it was an authoress holding an iPod, she pressed a button and the Eastenders theme came from it. Aragorn spun to face her.

'Now is not the time for that!' the authoress, called Saymorian, stared

'Yeah I know where it's from!' shouted Aragorn 'what?' he asked at the look on her face 'So I watched it once!'

Saymorian raised her eyebrows

'Okay more than once... okay I watch it regularly happy?'

The Fellowship stared at Aragorn and at Saymorian before something beeped, the authoress checked her watch

'Sorry, got to be getting back, good luck with the quest and all,'

She disappeared and everyone soon forgot about her, lost in their own grief

'Bloody insensitive authoress,' grumbled Aragorn, who hadn't quite forgotten.

_0o0o_

_****__Okay, so how were these? Can I ask for no flames again please but do tell me if you liked them, did you have a favourite? If so do tell me, thanks for reading_

**_S_**


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